Mate Poaching: A Field Guide

mate poaching + hunger games

It may be winter, but this year’s hunting season has already begun.

“Mate poaching,” or stealing someone away from their current partner to claim as your own, is not the answer to your happiness. It doesn’t matter how dreamy you think they are or that you “know” you are meant to spend the rest of your lives together. It doesn’t even matter that their current partner is horrible, doesn’t understand them, or have the time of day for them. None of those things matter. They are taken. Even if you were to poach them from their mate, they are not going to make you happy anymore than you’d be able to make them happy. The reality is that a person poached is more likely to cheat in the future, not susceptible to outside-initiated change, and is currently undeserving of your trust.


We all know the saying: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” Is it always true? Maybe not. I, like most people, would like to believe that a cheater will realize they have been in the wrong and change their ways. But that’s not how it tends to go. More often than not, “once a cheater, always a cheater” is true. Sad, but true.

Sure, you want to believe you are different. Most of us could even manage to convince ourselves that this relationship is something different for them too. I’m sure their previous partner felt the same way. Save yourself the trouble and the heartbreak. Find a partner who is already single and open to a new relationship because a partner poached is not going to be a good partner for you. Why? Because it doesn’t matter if this is a new relationship so much as it matters if the person poached is different.


Another saying we all know but still manage to question the validity of is that you cannot change somebody that doesn’t want to be changed. Unless your newly-poached mate desires to change themselves, you will not be able to change them. This means you will not be able to keep them from cheating by any sort of sorcery or secret wishes. It is up to them to make that change from willing-to-cheat to committed. In the meantime, you will likely loose sleep over worry. Worrying if they are shopping around, even if it’s only window shopping. Worry that they’re flirting with someone else. Worry that they found someone else. Worry that they are cheating. Worry that they are staying late at the office, going out of town, making plans without you…worry that they are doing anything.

Dream relationship

What the Person You Deserve is Like

I repeat: save yourself the trouble and the heartbreak because this is not the person for you –at least not right now.


If you are so convinced that the right person for you is in the wrong relationship, then wait for them to get themselves out of it. Make it be their choice because it is in their individual best interest, not something they do in order to be with you. After they are single for a while you could see where things go, but snapping them up while they are in another relationship will keep you from ever being able to fully trust them.


Let them figure out what they want and change their own lives. You just need to focus on you and the things you care about. Find joy in alternate avenues and people. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even find the love you were really looking for –a love that is ready for you.



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#matepoaching #cheating #advice #realtionship


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