Relationships involve two different personalities finding away to come together. This involves compromise, and a fair amount of it! However, there are times you shouldn’t compromise –like when it comes to your identity. Making such compromises can make you feel uncomfortable, depressed, and taken advantage of. You should never feel like you need to compromise who you are to make a relationship work. If your partner does not love all aspects of you, then they are the wrong person for you. Here are some things that you should not be compromising on:
Do not stay with someone who talks down to you, tells you what to do, or points out your every “flaw.” You are a human being, same as them, and you deserve respect. They are not “better than you,” “out of your league,” or even irreplaceable. The person you are with should appreciate and respect you. If they cannot offer you that, they do not deserve what you have to offer.
Friends come and go naturally. This is a sad reality of life. What is even sadder (and unhealthy) is dating someone who tries to tell you who you can or cannot be friends with. Your partner does not have to like all your friends but they should accept that you do like these people. Your friends have supported you, hung out with you, picked you up when you were down, and were all around there for you. Your partner should be adding to that support system, not breaking it. If your partner is isolating you from your friends, you are not in a healthy relationship. Do not compromise on this.
Your hobbies and interests.
A big part of being in a successful relationship involves making yourself happy. Personal hobbies and interests are forms of happiness that we can bring ourselves. Our hobbies are there to help us pass the time, better ourselves, and to bring us joy. Don’t let being in a relationship take that happiness away from you. Even if you sort of gave up your hobbies to spend more time with your significant other, you should pick them back up. Right now. Your partner should be supportive of this. They don’t have to “get” your hobby, partake in it, or what have you. What they do have to do is support you and your growth as an individual.
If you are comfortable in your skin (which you should be!), do not settle for a partner who makes you feel otherwise. At no point should you feel as if your partner has come into the relationship with a project in mind. If your partner doesn’t find you attractive from the start, you are never going to feel attractive in their eyes. No matter what your confidence level was going into a relationship like this, it will plummet.
Your alone time.
Everyone needs time to themselves and, especially in a relationship, this can be hard to find. This is the time for you to do all the things you can’t (or don’t want to) do with your partner around. Maybe this involves binge-watching shows on Netflix, reading books, playing video games, or even polishing your penny collection. Whatever the case may be, don’t give up your alone time. You and your partner BOTH need alone time. Don’t compromise on that, even if you like the ridiculous notion of being a couple that does everything together. Give each other alone time and you’ll find that, while you could stand to do everything together, you are choosing to let each other grow.
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