What is pity dating?
Pity dating is when you agree to go on a date with someone because you feel sorry for them or don’t want to hurt their feelings. Ultimately, you know that you are not interested in this person but you go on a date with them anyway.
People have various reasons for agreeing to go on a pity date, but the reality is that there is no good reason to go on a pity date. You heard me: there is no reason to go on a pity date. Now whether you are considering agreeing to a pity date, have been on a pity date, or know someone who has done one of the two, it is time for a reality check. Here are 6 reasons NOT to go on a pity date (and why we should put an end to pity dating for good):
Reality check #1: You are not doing anyone any favors by going on a pity date with them.
Thinking you are doing someone a favor by doing anything romantic should set off an alarm in your head. Going on a date with someone is not, nor ever will be, “a favor” for you to bestow upon people. This is especially true when you know that this person likes you and you’ve known all along that you have no romantic interest in them. Going on a date with them will only get their hopes up that their feelings are reciprocated and you will only end up hurting them more in the long run when you inevitably reject them. Don’t get their hopes up for a relationship that you know is never going to happen. When you’re not interested, don’t go on a date with someone you know is already falling for you.
Reality check #2: You are wasting everyone’s time.
People go on dates to discover romantic compatibility and build something special together. The fact is that if you are going on a pity date with someone (regardless of who asked who), you are wasting their time. If you already know you are not interested in someone, let them go on a date with someone who is.
Now, I know some of you out there go on pity dates with people because you think no one else wants to go on a date with them. I would like to refer you back to the first reality check: you are not doing anyone any favors by going on a date with them. There is someone out there who would downright swoon to go on a date with this person you’re “pity dating,” and you are keeping them from finding that person.
On that note, you are keeping yourself from being with someone you’re interested in as well. By agreeing to go on pity dates, you create a situation in which you are unavailable for someone you are interested in.
Reality check #3: You are not “helping them.”
Some people go on pity dates to “help” a person get back out there after a bad break up, rejection, or even just to boost their confidence. Regardless of your supposedly good intentions, don’t go on a date with them. In the end, you’ll be doing more damage than good. When they realize that you only went on a date with them because you felt bad or saw them as a project, they will be crushed. People want to go on dates with people that are actually interested in them. End of story.
Reality check #4: A pity date is not a chance for an ego boost, for either of you.
You might think it’s harmless to go on just one date with someone you’re not interested in. You might tell yourself that going on one date with you will make them feel fantastic about themselves. How could you not offer them that ego boost? I reiterate, a pity date is not a chance for an ego boost. Sure, they might feel good about the date and themselves for a while. That is, until they realize you only went on a date with them out of pity, and you just crushed their soul and ego in one quick swipe.
Pity dates aren’t an ego boost for you either. Sure it’s flattering when someone has a crush on you. But, don’t agree to go on a date with them unless you think that there is a chance you might have feelings for them. You can be flattered without getting their hopes up, spending their money, and wasting their time. Nobody likes being used.
Reality check #5: No one is having fun on a pity date.
Dates can be fun, but most of the time pity dates are not. Think about it: Would you have fun on a date if you realized they only went on the date because they felt sorry for you? No, you wouldn’t. In fact, the date itself will probably feel awkward or “off” for both parties involved.
On the other hand, one person might have fun while the other person is wondering why they agreed to this date in the first place. Are you okay being the one to break the truth to them when they want to go on a second, third, fourth, or eighth date? It is better to tell them now that nothing is going to happen between the two of you than to let them believe that they have a shot. Nothing is worse than thinking you had a chance when you never did.
Reality check #6: Any reason other than romantic interest is the wrong reason to go on a date.
When someone you’re not interested in asks you out on a date, don’t say yes. It doesn’t matter if you are both available, you’re bored, you think they’ll pay for it, you’re seeking unattached intimacy, or whatever your reasoning might be. They want to go on a date with you because they are interested in you as a person and you should only agree if you feel the same way. Don’t say yes to anything less.
So what should you do if someone asks you out and you’re not interested?
Just be honest with them. Tell them that you’re flattered but that you are not interested in them romantically. That is how you spare someone’s feelings and respect them as a person. Let them date someone who is interested in them romantically and you do the same. There is no need for pity dates when there are people out there who are interested in them for real. Let them find those people who are.
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#crush #dating #pitydate