It starts with wanting to get to know them, to see them, to spend time with them…and before you know it you have lost sight of who you are and everything is about your significant other. You are now in the danger zone of dependency!
Wondering if you have crossed that line or if you are on the path to doing so? Here are 5 signs that you have an unhealthy dependence on your significant other (and resolutions for all of your ailments):
You feel lost without them.
It is normal and perfectly healthy to want to spend time with your significant other and miss them when they are not around. What is NOT healthy is when you don’t know what to do with yourself when they are not there. If you find yourself lost and miserable without your significant other around, you are too dependent on them.
Resolution: Find ways to make yourself happy. Hang out with your friends more or pick up a new hobby. Do the things you like to do and you’ll find that you are no longer entirely dependent on your partner for your happiness (or for something to do). Before you know it, time apart from them is entirely manageable and, more importantly, fun for you! When you have healthy time away from your partner, you’ll appreciate each other even more.
You have all of the same likes and interests.
Sure, it’s nice to have some things in common with your significant other. What some people don’t realize is that it is nice (and normal!) to have interests and opinions entirely different than your significant other as well. If your tastes have “developed” to be a direct match to your significant other’s interests, you have crossed the line into unhealthy dependency.
Resolution: Think back to before your significant other was in the picture. What did you like to do then? What were your favorite shows? What music did you listen to? In short, go back to being yourself. Cultivate your own interests and opinions and you’ll find that you are much happier both in and outside of your relationship. An added bonus? You and your significant other will have twice as many interesting things to talk about!
You expect them to be at your beck and call.
Okay, so you like to keep in touch with your significant other when you are apart. That’s perfectly understandable. However, if you find yourself texting them all day and demanding phone calls that last hours, you are becoming too dependent on your significant other. On top of that, if you find yourself upset that they don’t reply to your message right away or don’t answer the phone when you call, you are already in the danger zone of dependency.
Resolution: Learn to appreciate time spent apart. If you’re in constant communication all day, you won’t have much to talk about. Instead of having a continuous conversation about nothing, strive for meaningful conversations. The result? You’ll feel much closer to your significant other without being dependent on them (and running up your phone bill).
You hold off on making plans.
It’s natural to want to spend time with your significant other, but it shouldn’t affect your friendships. If you find yourself waiting to make plans with your friends until you get the okay from your partner, then you are too dependent.
Resolution: Make decisions for yourself! Make plans with your friends regardless of whether your significant other has plans. Do what you want to do! You are not obligated to get anyone’s approval when it comes to doing what makes you happy.
You are always a package deal.
Whether it was supposed to be guy’s/lady’s night or a house party for a mutual friend, you are both there and attached at the hip/hand/lips/handcuffs/leash. It’s understandable that you want to spend time with your significant other, but you also need to make sure you spend time socializing as individuals. If the idea of being social without your significant other scares you, you are too dependent.
Resolution: Let them have nights out with their friends when they want to (without you causing too much of a fuss) and have nights with your friends when you want as well. As for mutual friends –go to the party together, but make sure you spend time socializing on your own. You talk to them all of the time so talk to some other people for a change! The two of you can have fun having different conversations with different people.
The bottom line?
Don’t lose yourself to somebody else. Instead, find someone who loves you just the way you are. This is guaranteed to make the both of you happy as individuals and as a couple.
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