It is easy to sit around wishing and hoping for someone fantastic to fall into your lap (literally or metaphorically), but, for most people, that doesn’t just happen. You have to take certain steps to find the person you want to be with just as you have to take steps to be the sort of person they would want to be with. Sure, there is something to be said for just being yourself, but sometimes “just being” yourself leads to lack of effort, and lack of effort leads to lack of interest, and we all know where that leads. Here are some tips for how to attract the sort of person you actually want to be with (or at least someone who is better than your ex):
Be a better version of yourself first.
Let’s clarify this right away: do not change who you are. Be yourself, just be the best version of yourself that you have to offer. Be driven. Push yourself. Chase your dreams. Have thoughts and opinions and interesting things to say. Have something to offer that has no monetary value. Be excited about something. Have likes and dislikes and things you still aren’t sure about. Be well-rounded and interesting. Be you.
Be someone they can trust.
Hopefully the importance of being trustworthy isn’t lost on you. Being trustworthy lessens the likelihood of future issues with jealousy and makes you someone they can actually put their faith in. Being with someone you cannot trust is a unique form of torture. Don’t inflict that upon yourself or your potential partner. Take the extra care to be someone they can trust and you’ll find that you’ll attract someone you can trust as well. Call when you say you’ll call. Be on time, or at least have the decency to cancel when you know you aren’t going to make it (and then reschedule!). Follow through on your promises. If you promised to take care of his dog while he visits his family for the weekend or if you promised her that you would come over to fix her flat tire or what have you –do it! Most importantly, be honest. Tell the truth and avoid lies. Expect the same from them.
No, it is not okay to be looking for the next best thing while in any sort of relationship. If you are ready to end your current relationship, then end it before you start fishing around to see what is out there. If you are willing to cheat with them, you are willing to cheat on them and that is something that will always be on your date’s mind. AKA it will be near impossible to trust you (and we discussed the importance of that!).
Be emotionally available.
While you may not actually be in a relationship with someone else, it is important to be emotionally available. If you are still pining over your ex, you are not ready to be looking for the next best thing –which is probably for the best because if you are still pining over them, everyone you meet will be compared to them and, likely, end up falling short.
Be financially sound.
We all happen across financial issues now and then, but don’t be surprised if your serious financial issues don’t attract people. While money shouldn’t be a factor when it comes to love, it’s naïve to pretend it’s not. It’s especially naïve to pretend it doesn’t play a part in the dating world. Financial issues, like any issues, will cause you to be stressed out and, in turn, put stress on those around you. You may think you can hide these issues from a potential partner, but the fact is that the truth always comes out and, when it does, you will no longer be trustworthy, reliable, or financially stable in their mind. It’s hard to come back from that. No, you don’t have to disclose your entire financial situation to someone you just met (and you shouldn’t!), just be aware that your personal problems can lead to even more problems as you seek a relationship, especially if it feels like you are hiding the truth from them.
Be supportive of who they are now.
Assume that the person you are dating is being the best version of themselves just as you are. They may not be as unbelievably perfect down the road, don’t expect them to change. Huh? Simply put, they are not the person for you if you find yourself thinking “Oh, this person and I would be great together if they could just ___________.” Regardless of what is in that blank space (if they could just get promoted, stop buying cats, get rid of that birthmark on their face…), it is not fair to either of you to jump into a relationship hoping the person will become what you want in the long run. It may happen, it may not. Let them be who they are. Don’t only date someone for their potential, date them for who they are right now. That being said, don’t date someone who expects you to change either. Accept and support each other for who you are, respectively, in the here and now.
Pay attention to them when you are together. Listen when they talk and try to remember the important things they say. Look for a partner who does the same for you. People who care about each other pay attention to each other. Simple as that. If you pay attention to them and they are paying attention to you, you’ve got a good thing going. Without this mutual focus and concern about each others’ lives, there will be a lack of emotional connection and, more than likely, communication issues down the road. Be invested and try to show them that you are invested in the important things they have going on in their lives. After all, one of the important things in their life down the road might be you!
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