Leo Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Now, as the lesser famous and entirely made up Leo Toldyouastory wrote in a blog for Heyy App, “Break ups are difficult; every break up is difficult in its own way.” This is true: your break up is unique to you. However, the healing process after a break up is much the same regardless of the way in which the break up came around. Ice cream.
I’m kidding, people. Here are some real tips for picking up the pieces and moving on after a break up, courtesy of Leo Toldyouastory (in conjunction with Kyle Freelander and her little puppy dog, too):
- Cut all communication ties. The fact is that your ex used to be your person and, for a while at least, you need to get used to life without them in the picture. There may come a time down the road where the two of you can be friends (read: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? ), but right now is not that time. Right now both of you need space from each other to allow your romantic feelings to subside and to start the healing process. Remaining friends or trying to fall into friendship with them too soon after a break up can result in even more pain on the road. Right now, focus on you. Just you.
- In the wild world of social media, you need to befriend the delete button. Delete your relationship status, your cutesy couple photos, and, most importantly, your friendship/following with them. What if you don’t delete your connection to them and just promise not to communicate with them? Is that good enough? No. Inevitably, they are going to post something on their end that makes you upset whether it ends up being a picture of them with their arm around someone else, a status about how excited they are for their date tonight, a tweet with a link to their online dating profile, begrudging vague comments about someone who could sound like you or could be twisted into someone who sounds like you, or even something simple like a post about the coffee they got this morning that is totally the coffee the two of you used to get together. You get the idea. Delete, delete, delete, and repeat.
- Spend time with your friends! These are the people that can help you get your mind off of your ex or listen to you vent accordingly. They’ll go out with you when you need a distraction and straight up tell you when you are being dumb about the whole situation. You need them.
- Do not, under any made up circumstances, just drive by their house to see if they are home. Whether they are home or not is none of your business nor should you want it to be. If they are not home when you happen to drive by, you’ll just be upset and spend hours wondering why they weren’t home. If they are home, you’ll wonder what they are doing, if they are alone, why they won’t answer your phone calls (wait, you should have cut all communication ties!), and if they ate the pickles you left in their fridge. Before you ask: No, stopping by to pick up your jar of pickles is not an option. Let them go.
- Throw away (or at least put away) things around the house that will remind you of them: photos, mementos, the stuffed monkey they won for you at the amusement park, etc.
- No stalking. Don’t change your usual grocery store in hopes of running into them. Don’t put a tracking device on their car. Don’t show up at the concert they had talked about going to with their friends. Don’t try to get a job at their office, don’t wait for them on their front stoop, don’t sleep in the tree next to their bedroom window, and, when in doubt, just don’t.
- Fill your time! With your friends, with cooking, with finally getting that gym membership you always talked about. If you are busy doing things you want to do or even just trying a bunch of new things, you’ll find that you don’t have as much time to sit aimlessly and pine about your ex. Stay busy and soon you will find that your mind doesn’t wander to them as much, you have a bunch of exciting new things to talk about with friends and family, you’ve tried countless cool things you’ve been meaning to get around to, and, most importantly, you’ll be happier.
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#breakup #ex #movingon