Are you having an emotional affair?


It usually happens by accident. You don’t seek this person out. It is more likely that you are trying to fill a void you may not have known you even had. One day you find yourself chatting to the attractive new face in the office and the next you find yourself so drawn to them that you have regular lunch dates and share intimate details about your life…including problems you may be having in your relationship. But this is all innocent enough, right? Think again. Here are some signs that you are having an affair of the heart and what it means for your relationship with your significant other:

Signs you are having an emotional affair:

You are always excited to see them even though you see them quite often.

You start dressing up more around them in hopes that they will notice.

They are the person you turn to BEFORE you even turn to your partner (IF you even turn to your partner)

You find yourself confiding in them…even more than you confide in your own partner.

You find yourself talking about them all of the time to your friends or even to your partner. With your partner, you find yourself leaving out bits and pieces of the story because you know your partner might get suspicious.

Conversely, you find yourself purposefully NOT mentioning them to your friends or partner.

You are flirting with them and they don’t shut it down. (And hey, you both kind of like it)

They are flirting with you and you don’t shut it down. (No, they are not just being friendly)

You go for lunch or dinner regularly. You tend not to tell your partner.

On more than one occasion, you have fantasized about being with this person.

You feel like you have something to hide from your partner.



Does this mean that you don’t love your partner?

Not necessarily.

Emotional affairs are problematic in many ways, most notably in that they can lead to physical cheating. Creating emotional intimacy with a person causes a drift between you and your significant other that could lead to the demise of your relationship (whether you end up cheating or not).

Think about why you like spending time with this other person so much? Is it because they compliment you and you feel like your partner takes you for granted sometimes? Are they just a good listener? Or is it just that they have time for you when maybe your significant other does not? Determine what the draw is to this other person. If they offer something that your partner is lacking in, try to revive it in your own relationship! If you feel like you are being taken for granted, not heard, or that you aren’t spending enough time together, tell your partner! If you just tell other people about your relationship problems, they will never get solved and that void will always be there. Sit down with your partner and tell them what you need out of your relationship. Don’t keep them guessing.


Could it mean that you have fallen out of love with your partner?

Certainly. If you find yourself turning to this other person to fulfill needs that aren’t being met in your own relationship (especially if there’s more than one thing lacking), this emotional affair might be your way of showing yourself exactly what it is that you are missing.

Maybe these are things that your partner once offered you but no longer fulfills. You could always try sitting down and talking to your significant other about what you feel is missing in your relationship. If you’ve done that several times already though and you still find yourself looking elsewhere, you might be better off without your partner.

Coffee Date

So what now?

Like all affairs, this affair of the heart needs to come to an end if you want to save your relationship. When possible, cut ties altogether. If that’s not possible, limit your interactions with this person and try only to hang out with each other in a group setting. Talk to your partner about any needs that are not being met (on either side!), and make a point to try and work on the perceived problems.

If you think you’ve had this emotional affair because you are no longer happy in your own relationship, it might be time to call it quits.


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#relationships #affair #cheating #love


2 thoughts on “Are you having an emotional affair?

  1. A husband or wife should protect their marriage from any kind of an affair. Don;t allow yourself to be in a place where another person is allowed to come into your pesonal life. From day one of your marriage, confide in your spouse, and never keep secrets from them.Divorces that lead to marriage with the affair-partner are less likely to succeed that do first marriages. There is no such thing as “quality time” with children; “quantity time” is what is needed, and requires parents to remain married and provide such time with them. When the two of you got married. there was a reason for it; always remember that reason and remind yourself, and your spouse. Passwords and email addresses should be known by both spouses. FB and other social media are potential marriage breakers. If you have met “an old flame” on FB, etc, do you “feel a rush” whenever you check their messages? If you do, you need to break that relationship. If you chase somebody long enough, you may be allowed “to catch them.” If that is the case, “watch out!” Check out my post on “Such A Nice Wedding.” That is the first one for this year. The ones that follow deal with personal relationships. As a pastor, I am good at listening, and not telling. You might need such a person in your life if you have found yourself caught up in an affair. Don’t forget about prayer.

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